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Think before you speak
Are the words please and thank you really that hard to say?!? Is it too much to ask to be treated politely rather than being treated as if I’m a stupid little girl?
“I’ll have a small flat white. Small. Flat. White. Small. Did you get that?”
No, cause you only told me what you wanted twice. I can understand English you know.
“Here's your regular caramel latte”
“Is that my order? A regular caramel latte?”
Gees, why would it be your order? You’re the only customer in the whole damn store, did you think that I just looked you in the eyes and tell you the name the drink for kicks?
“What’s an iced coffee?”
“Our iced coffee is made with a coffee and hazelnut/vanilla mixture, served over milk and ice”
“Oh, so it’s a cold coffee?”
No, we just like to call it iced to confuse people.
Some people really need to get a clue.
Blah
I'm working on ANZAC day this Thursday. I'm shocked because she never rosters us senior staff on for public holidays since we're so expensive. I'm not sure if it's double time, or double time and a half, but I know that I'll be getting at least $30 an hour. Woo-ha.
There are so many things happening this Wednesday night, all the stuff I have due this week will have been handed in then and I don't start work until midday on Thursday, so it'll be the perfect opportunity to go and do something. Hmmm...have a night out, or stay home and get some much needed rest....decisions, decisions.
We did really well at the Eisteddfod on the weekend, winning prizes in everything we entered in, even our little kids. I was so stoked that our group got 1st prize in each of the open age jazz, modern expressive and contemporary sections, and we also got ourselves 3rd place for the other routine we had in the jazz section. Yay.
I spent most of the time I had free at the Eisteddfod looking after our little kids. I had to do their hair and stage make up, and then dress them up. They were like life-size dolls, so adorable and looked so cute in their costumes, I just wanted to sit and play with them all afternoon. Although I think I (and the rest of the audience) will have nightmares now after seeing a group dance to Lady Marmalade in costumes that, well, didn’t cover up much at all.
I screwed up my services marketing mid term this afternoon, the multiple guess choice questions were relatively easy but when I hit the short answer questions I struggled. Really badly. I tried, but my power of crapping on had abandoned me.
All I want to do now is take a long bath, crawl into bed and sleep. Preferably for longer than the four hours I’ve become accustomed to in the last week. In a perfect world this could happen, but I have the draft of the literature review and research framework for my research paper to do. It was hard enough finding six decent academic papers to use in my proposal a couple of weeks ago (I even had to make one up), but now I need to find an additional twelve. Damn it. Why did I choose to do my research paper on the economic and social implications of tourism development in less developed countries, when I could have done something much easier?
Ah, it’s because I’m stupid and have a twisted need to make things harder for myself than they should be.
Going through the motions
Somehow I’ve managed to get roped into dancing at the Eisteddfod this weekend despite my decision to quit the performance group in July last year.
One of the other girls has broken her arm so she can’t dance, and they need someone else to make up the required number of dancers on stage or else they’ll be disqualified from the competition. I should have said no, but my dance teacher seemed so desperate on the phone and when she pulled the ‘do it for the group’ speech, I couldn’t refuse.
I know one of the routine’s since it was the new jazz we learnt last year, but last night I was at the studio until the early hours of the morning being taught the other three.
Just what I need on top of the mid term, the class presentation and three assignments I have due next week (in a span of three fucking days), coupled with Rob’s farewell dinner tonight, and the fact I have to work on Saturday and Sunday morning before I head out to the Eisteddfod on both afternoons.
Excuse me while I have a breakdown.
How do you do?
Random people at different times in my life have said that I am one of the most emotional people they know. Yes, I have fears and insecurities and I will not lie to anybody about that. You can tell a lot about me from my countenance and demeanour, with my closest friends able to read me like a book. I was never one to try and show people that I had it all together because truth is I do not have it all together, and that is quite ok.
There are wounds and weaknesses inside every one of us that cannot always be repressed. People try to hide these because we think it is simply not safe for us to express ourselves openly. We often not only stifle our feelings, but we have found ways to hide them even from ourselves. It is as if we packed up our questionable emotions and locked them away in secret rooms. There are people who mask their insecurities and attempt to hide their anger. Many people I know try to ignore our bitterness and disguise our terror. Perhaps, when we were kids this sort of emotional hide-and-seek was necessary. But does this sort of safety in secrecy really help?
The Careers Expo is on at Uni tomorrow, and I’m supposed to be there at 8:30am. I struggle enough getting up in time to make it to a 9am class, so this is going to be an extra challenge.
I’ve been assigned to be slave labour for Accenture, APESMA, KPMG and Macquarie Bank. At least I have some idea of what they actually do, so I won't turn up there tomorrow being completely clueless. I’m glad I didn’t get companies that were totally unrelated to my degree and interests, I would have been annoyed if I got stuck with someplace like the British American Tobacco Association or the Department of Defence. Not even free food would motivate me enough to hang around.
The Buffy musical is on tonight, yay. Gotta love the Slayer and Slayerettes getting their groove on.
But why?
I nearly sent myself into cardiac arrest this afternoon when I did a ballet class at Sydney Dance Company. The class only went for two hours, but damn, it was the longest two hours of my life. My feet were cramping half an hour into the class, and after the first hour I was ready to collapse in a sweaty heap in the middle of the studio.
During my ordeal I was wondering how, from the age of 10, I used to quite willingly put myself through that kind of torture three hours a day, five days a week.
Why did I often neglect my school work to go to ballet or jazz class every afternoon? How did I manage to remember all those different exercises and terms? Why didn’t I have a complex from of all criticism I received from examiners, judges and teachers? And more importantly, why the hell did I enjoy prancing around on my toes (in shoes that gave me blisters) scantily clad in ballet tights and a leotard that gave me a wedgie?
All these thoughts were running through my head (coupled with 10 different ways I could cause grievous bodily harm to the teacher who was giving the class), and I realised that dancing became the one thing in my life where I felt…free.
It’s like arriving at a place where your limbs have a memory of their own, where the mind no longer has to concentrate on when to releve’ or pirouette. Where it feels like dancing instead of just dancing. Hmm, it sounds very lame when I put it like that, but I really can’t find any other way to articulate it.
I wonder why I can’t derive that same dedication and passion in other parts of my life. I really need something, or someone, to help me find this again.
I think I was a little too ambitious with throwing myself into such an intense class, but I’ve never been one to think rationally.
My poor toes are bitching at me, and the muscles I once had are crying out from neglect since I haven’t exerted myself that much for so long. I’m so not looking forward to waking up tomorrow morning, because I can already tell that I won’t be able to move properly.
Mission accomplised
In other news, yesterday was a milestone in my life. I actually finished an assignment two weeks before it was due! This has never happened before. Usually I’m still finishing off an assignment 15 minutes before it’s due. It's all so exciting to be this prepared, hee.
Well I do have other people to thank for this little achievement since it was a group assignment and one of the girls in our group is an assignment Nazi. She basically forced us to stay at uni yesterday/last night to finish it off. But it’s done, 4000 words in all its glory... and the fact we were at uni until 11pm (on a Friday night) is a fleeting memory.
Play
The other night I was looking for an old video tape I could use to tape an episode of The West Wing and I came across a tape which had old episodes of Dawson's Creek. I used to be a loyal fan of 'DC', loving my Thursday night fix of teen angst and verbosity. But my adoration for the show has virtually disappeared as the storylines become even more ridiculous than they were before. The only thing that is keeping me remotely interested are the new characters, Audrey and Charlie. It's all about the Busy and Chad love.
Having said that, I popped in the tape anyway to see which episodes were on it. It was the first episode of Season 4 where Pacey and Joey come home from their 3 month sailing trip.
Now the episode itself wasn't fabulous, shirtless Dawson is enough to scar people for life, but the very last scene in the episode has to be one of the most romantic scenes I’ve seen on Dawson's Creek and other teen shows. Yes, it’s the scene where Pacey and Joey are reading The Little Mermaid. Each taking turns to read it out aloud to each other. By fairy lights. On his boat, with Joey falling asleep while Pacey is reading. Awwww....
The simple, yet loving action, together with David Grey’s ‘This Years Love’ is playing in the background gets me every time. It’s such a fluffy scene, but me being a big sap lapped it up all the same.
Anyway, now I can’t stop listening to ‘This Years Love’ over and over again. It’s my song of the moment.
I want to press rewind
I am remembering all these different things that happened a few years ago and it feels like they happened to someone completely different. At the same time though, I wish I could go back. I just wish I did not regret as much as I think I do. Memories are just so hard. I want to catch them all and I know I cannot, and that every day they escape further and further away from me.
Where do all the people I know go? Where did they go? There are people who I have completely lost track of. I admit that some of that is by choice. But others, they are just gone and I feel guilty. I feel like I messed up somehow.
It feels like all these memories that I have about my life, and with people, are not just along the well-worn path of the sixteen inches between my head and heart. So something inside me wants to transmit all the static in my head to my heart but the nerves that should be sending the messages are broken, especially when gravity keeps my head down.
Hee
I’m watching the free Tropfest DVD I got the other day, and I’m surprised at how good some of these short films are. A scene from one of the films nearly had me peeing my pants. The said scene involved a toilet that wouldn’t flush, a piece of poo and a handbag.
Yep, you do the math.
It’s disgusting, but so damn funny at the same time.
I'm volunteering at the Careers Expo at Uni in a couple of weeks. I have no idea what possessed me to apply, and they probably laughed at how much of a bimbo I sounded in my application thingy, but I'll be there helping out in the morning session.
Chances are they just need me to make up numbers since no one else would probably want to do it. Oh well.
I'll probably just be doing getting the employers coffee and folding brochures, but in helping them out on the day I'll be able to talk to them about their respective companies and organisations on a more informal basis. Who knows, I might even get a clue of what I want to do with myself next year.
And even if I do get bored at least I'm getting free food for volunteering, so it's all good.
Woo-ha. I want this DVD now. *drools*
Coffee highhhhhh
I shouldn't have drunken that White Chocolate Mocha tonight, but work was boring because we weren't that busy and I needed something to keep me going. Now I can't sleep and I have to go to uni to meet Evita at 10:30am. A Riss with no sleep is not a nice situation to deal with.
We're supposed to be working on our brand management assignment, but the chances of us doing anything productive are slim to none.
Hmmm, I feel like going for a jog.
Midnight snack
Survey from Cecile, who took from Jill.
Nine things you wear daily:
Underwear (technically that’s two things already)
Contacts/glasses
Watch
Ring
Dolphin necklace
Earrings (again, two things on a technicality)
Lip gloss
Eight movies you'd watch over and over:
Only 8? Gah.
Clueless
Centre Stage
Empire Records
Grease
Sleepless in Seattle
When Harry Meet Sally
Pride and Prejudice (technically not a movie since it's the BBC mini-series, but I adore it)
Pretty Woman
Seven albums that matter:
Whatever and Ever Amen- Ben Fold’s Five
Drops of Jupiter- Train
Since I Left You- The Avalanches
Throwing Copper- Live
Parachutes- Coldplay
Man Who- Travis
Yourself or Someone Like You- Matchbox20
Six objects you touch everyday:
Phone
Keys
Door
Fridge
Computer
Remote control
Five things you do everyday:
Shower
Brush my teeth
Check emails
Visit FF, I’m a moderator so it’s a given
Read my favourite online journals/blogs
Four TV shows you couldn't live without:
The West Wing
Sex and the City
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Gilmore Girls
Three of your favourite songs of the moment:
Dance with Me- 112
Your Body is a Wonderland- John Mayer (*dies* why can't someone write something like that for me? hmph)
Become One Anything One Time- The Promise Ring (apart from being such a beautiful song, Davey's lisp when he sings the chorus is so cute)
Two people that have influenced your life the most:
My parents (I’m cheating)
Miss Susan- my dance teacher
One thing you could spend the rest of your life with:
A thing? Err, a diary so that I could have an outlet to write down my random thoughts and rants.
The seventh circle of hell...part 2
I don't understand the logic of the idiots in charge at our uni in scheduling us to have our mid-term break now, only four weeks after starting the semester. Shouldn't mid-terms be in like, oh I don't know...the MIDDLE OF THE SEMESTER?!?
After this one week break it's going to be ten, yes ten, weeks of pure EVIL. I don't even want to think about what state of mind I will be in by the end of it all. We already have bets going to see which one of us will have a breakdown first.
I've sat down and written out a list of what I have due each week, and it looks like I won't be having a life until July.
Yet despite seeing the amount of shit I have due, I still find myself getting distracted by things around me. I think I need to go to a place that is completely devoid of anything exciting- looks like the uni library is where I'll be hanging out tomorrow. What an exciting life I do lead.
Hmph
No one wants to see The Royal Tenebaums with me. How can they not want to see it? I've been hanging out to see this movie for ages, and it finally opened here last week. I can't even convince my mum to come with me to see it!
I think I'm going to have to watch it by myself.
I've also got to find a way to sneak into the last 10 minutes of The Fellowship of the Ring so that I can see the preview for The Two Towers. Christmas can't come soon enough for the next movie to be released. I need to see me some more Legolas before then, hee.
The shit, hath hitteth, the fanneth
I think I've watched 10 Things I Hate About You one too many times, but I digress...
Two of my uni friends have had a colossal falling out. And I’m talking bigger than the size of Dawson’s forehead here.
After the very loud (and very public) verbal attacks, bitch session and confrontations, our group dynamics have change from being the Fab Five to being the Pissed Off Two, with their three friends playing piggy in the middle. I don't think they're ever going to be friends again, no matter how hard the rest of us try to get them to get over it. Makes you wonder what is it in people that makes them so damn stubborn and resentful.
Oh the drama.
And to think, they’re severing all ties from each other over a guy. Pfft.
*gets flashbacks from when I was 8*
Yeah I know, how old are we again?
But I still really like this picture of us from my birthday. I really would not have been impressed if they had started to screaming at each other then. At least they showed some civility.
( Standing: Evita and Pip ; Sitting: June, Me, Jasmine )
You see my problem is this
I want to marry Britney’s Overprotected (Dark Child) Remix.
I don’t think it’s her singing ability (or lack thereof) that I find interesting, it’s her entertainment value.
If someone mentioned Britney’s name in any conversations my friends and I were having years ago, we would have bitched about her like there was no tomorrow. Britney Spears have always been two words to incite such vehemence from a whole range of people. Calls of her being a skank, a slut, a scrubber and every other derogatory term would have been used. But gradually my opinion of her has changed, much to the horror of my friends.
It dawned on me that Britney was just like me, and many of my people I had come to know. She is a girl who loves performing and expressing herself artistically (albeit very skankily). Essentially she has achieved that childhood dream that so many of us wanted- to be a famous performer.
So regardless of the crap my friends give me, my Britney fascination will always be there. Love her, hate her or take an in-between, she still is an entertainer that has grabbed some of your precious attention.
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