Meh
Everyone keeps asking how I am after the break-in. I lie and say everything is fine when in reality it's far from it.
I appreciate their concern and kind thoughts but I don't want them to feel sorry for me and tip toe around me. I don't want anyone's pity and I don't want any extra attention.
Even though it's been over a month I haven't fully recovered from the shock, everyone perceives their home as being a 'safe haven' but I don't feel like that anymore. I hate being home alone now. I get so jittery over the slightest noise outside, my heart starts beating a thousand beats per minute and my mind works overtime at the thought of who or what could be out there. I hardly sleep anymore, I'm lucky to get even 5 or 6 hours sleep a night.
I know I'm probably overreacting but I just can't help it. This is the second time in my life that I've been placed in a situation where I have completely and utterly terrified. That was a long time ago; I was 11 and still am emotionally scarred by it. The taste of grass in my mouth, the painful grip of his hands and that feeling of hopelessness still gives me nightmares 13 years after it happened.
Sometimes I wish we were able to erase these dark memories and be able to move on as if nothing has happened. But things aren't that easy.
Ear Candy: "Cartwheels" -- The Reindeer Section
Shopping Ban
I have spent close to, if not just over, $1000 in the last week.
You'd think I would've spent it on something worthwhile like maybe a new digital camera, or a new mobile phone, or even donated a huge lump to charity.
But no.
I spent it all on clothes.
I now have 2 new winter coats, 3 new pairs of jeans, a new suit, some new skirts, new PJ's, new cardigans and jumpers.
I'm hopeless. But I couldn't resist, the sales have been too good. And I'd just like to say that DJ's sales whip ass over the pooey Myer ones.
I like to rationalise my shopping spree with the amount of money I ended up saving.
Wow, $100 off the 2 Alannah Hill tops I've been eyeing! $80 off each of the pretty Marcs Babydoll jumpers that I was going to buy the other week at full price!! I've saved myself a fortune! HAHAHA!!
But yes, now I'm going through buyer's remorse.
I didn't really need those 3 new pairs of Sass & Bide jeans when I already have 3 pairs. I don't really need those new PJ's when I have plenty already. I didn't really need that same jumper but in a different colour....
Fuck.
I'm going on a shopping ban. 3 months and no more clothes buying allowed.
I think I'm going to go through my waredrobe and find things I can sell on eBay to recouperate what I've just spent.
